Challenging Traditions: The Case for Hiring a Doula on Your Birth Team
I had a conversation recently about things that are typical in Black households. Cereal is stored in the designated spot on top of the refrigerator, chicken is to be washed before it's cooked, bleach is added to dishwater, and dishwashers are not to be used... right? This is the way things have always been in many Black households and it goes without question but should it still be this way? It made me question whether these traditions were holding us back from the lives we envisioned for ourselves in our younger years. Are we depriving ourselves of the lives we fantasized about in our younger years to uphold outdated traditions?
The same question could be considered when it comes to having a doula on your birth team. Here are some responses people who are loyal to traditions have when faced with the question of hiring a doula "No one else in my family had a doula so I don't need one either." "That's for rich/famous/white 'fill-in-the-blank' folks." "That's an unnecessary luxury."
Most homes have a fully functioning dishwasher installed now that will remove the dreaded wrinkled fingers, random pieces of spaghetti, and everything else you hate about hand-washing dishes from your life. Yet some of us make the choice to stick to doing the dishes by hand because that's just the way things have always been. Well let me share a new perspective with you: you can change the tradition. As I write this we are comfortably in the soft girl era. Black women have shifted from the traditionally resilient, strong, and independent woman archetype to embracing softness, ease, and pleasure. It's a lifestyle change that should undoubtedly extend into pregnancy and motherhood.
Holding onto some traditions is perfectly acceptable, I mean really the chicken will be washed regardless of FDA suggestions. However, going through pregnancy, labor, and postpartum without an empathetic and well-informed doula guiding you does not have to be one of them. Your mom didn’t have a doula? Your child will be able to say their mom did! You don't think you fit in the "fill in the blank" of who a doula is for? All birthing people deserve doulas so why not you? It's a luxury? So was that dishwasher you weren’t allowed to use for so many years that’s used regularly now. Emotional, physical, and informational support is not a luxury it is imperative and you deserve it! Above all, you get to start a new tradition of welcoming your family’s children into a world where prioritizing both yourself and them is the standard.
Take a moment and think about what you want your birth experience to be like. If you want to go into this informed with a plan, have a dedicated person there to hear you, nurture you, give comfort measures, answer questions when medical staff are too busy, reassure your spouse, and empower you to advocate for your needs then hiring a doula might be the right choice for you. You have the power to start a new tradition for your family – one that prioritizes your well-being and the birth experience you desire.
